Thursday, August 22, 2013


3 years later..  so much has changed, and yet so little has changed!

#1 I've moved!  From Bryan/College Station back home to Boerne.

#2  I've been through 8 million new career changes, and ended up where I started ..  as a Dyslexia Specialist

#3  I've spent almost 2.5 years being logical instead of EXTREMELY EmOtional and EXCITED!!!! LIKE THIS... YAY!!!   yeah, not nearly as much.  And its been nice to make a few decisions out of logic, and thought, and reason.   There is a lot of peace to it.  I hope for more of these

#4  I'm taking responsibility for my idiotic decisions.  I have no excuse for some of the crap I've gotten myself into.  But it has made life exciting and interesting.  Mistakes aren't always the worst things that can happen.  PS hell has frozen over if I'm admitting I'm wrong.

#5 with that, i'm seeing people and relationships as not so perfect, but with more reality.  It really helps when you are not looking at people through your emotions (imagine that) and what they can give you. But instead you look at them as they really are, their hearts, and what YOU can give them.
 So, I had a post about Cortland being so sweet.  Thats was f-ing retarted.  Cortland was an asshole to me and everyone else.  I was F-in blind and prideful and hurt.

#6 I still love: biology, animals, science fiction/fantasy, the chemistry of food science, maps, cultures, music, foreign films,  and juvenile British fiction.

#7  My heart still lights up when I get the privilege (i had to look up how to spell that and it still doesn't taste quite right) of hanging out with people with disabilities.

#8  Even though I've been to like 25 countries, i'm not  NEARLY done yet.  Nicaragua, Belize, Mexico, Canada, Belgium, Lichtenstein, the Netherlands, France, England, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Greece, Austria, Hungary, Slovakia, Czech Republic and Luxembourg (exciting place, youre really missing out on this one.)  Places I want to go (and I may or may not have purchased a ticket to go to one of them :o! ) :  Scotland, Ireland, Spain, South Africa, Australia, Ukraine, Russia, Denmark, Wine country of France, Nice, Monaco, Lake Como, Italy.  I HAVE ZERO desire to visit the Asian countries.  Id go to Africa and stay in a hut over Asia ANY DAY of the week.  Seriously.

#9 I"m still terribly uncoordinated.  But I still love to try.  Ultimate Frisbee, Dancing, Yoga.  I love being outside.  I hate that its so hot here so much of the year.  I miss taking hikes.

#10  I still do not have anything figured out.  Especially the interaction of myself and other humans.

I'm pretty content being a loner, and I'm scared as shit that people would get to know me and reject me.

#11 this is a prime number

Until next year (or two),

Adieu my patient readers,

Ever so unfaithfully yours,


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Middle of Nowhere, Zimbabwe

One of my very precious students was writing a paper exactly one year ago. It was a piece on where you go and hang out and what you do. He chose to write his about a very large local grocery store. In this particular essay, the chosen venue was mentioned several times and spelled, " h-a-b." When asked to read this aloud, he replied in a very heavy Georgian accent, ache-A-Bay.
Awesome. What else can you say?

So where were we? Oh yes... in a classic pink Cadillac Seville on our way to Ohio.

So I was asking some questions, but lets back this train up, and start with the beginning of the school year. For some very strange reason, I started praying this very silly prayer: Lord, give me benign opportunities to wait on you.

Disclaimer: Prayer is a wonderful thing. You should try it. And asking God for things he is prompting you to ask for is also a great thing. But asking for things to wait for, and for him to give you patience is just plain dumb. Really dumb.

So of course the Lord provides. Duh!

At first I was like, ok, this is not a big deal. But then, HOLD the PHONE! it got ROUGH. I was NOT content with my job, my housing situation, my stage of life. All of sudden the flying carpet was yanked out from under me.

P.S. I was no longer praying for opportunities. I was too busy getting my bearings.

And because that wasn't disconcerting enough, nothing satisfied. I felt like I was Dumbo-dropped in the middle of Zimbabwe. I didn't know how to deal with my new situation. I wanted to cling to something familiar. And there was nothing. And in case you didn't know, they DO NOT speak English in Zimbabwe. It was awful.

And I tried and tried to find something, anything to cling to and remind me of Los Estados Unidos, and nothing helped. So after I wore myself out, I finally started running towards the Lord and reading the Word.

And thats when the questions started coming, "What has value?"
And , " what WILL satisfy?"

And I did not get answers for a while. I kept reading and memorizing. I even thought about moving away to Dallas. I know, random. But hey, I had to try something in my own power.

And graciously, the Lord wouldn't let me....

And of course, in the midst of all of this my job got 8-and-a-half-times harder. I was super-busy running to 4 schools a day.

But, by the Lord's grace, I blindly jumped feet first off the giant cliff of intellectual suicide. Giving up everything I knew, and trusting that getting less sleep, and actually obeying the Lord would eventually pay off in some way.

And of course, eventually it did. Not in the way I was hoping, but of course, so much better.

And I'll tell you more about that next time...Currently my roommates are jump-roping with invisible jump ropes to a Jillian Micael's Shred Video. Its hilarious.

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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

1980s seagull hair and What Really Matters

One of my roommates, in this case, Jessica, texted me today asking how she should cut her hair.

Words were not needed, clearly she had only one choice: the seagull up-do from the 80s. Sad to say, she did not agree, and instead got a super cute bob.

In other news, I am starting to understand the purpose of this blog. All year I have been "praying" about what to do for the 2010/2011 school year. Around these parts life revolves around the school year. Everything is seasonal. When you go to Starbucks is dependent upon the University system. How long it takes you to travel from point A to point B depends entirely upon school being in session or not. I prefer their summer and winter vacations when the town belongs entirely to "old" people.

I digress.

My job, and thus elementary school, is rapidly coming to a close, and for this I am extremely thankful. All year I have been asking the Lord where I am supposed to go. Surely, God has some super special job he wants me to do for Him? Right??
And I have been straining and petitioning and searching for this elusive purpose all year.
And ONLY because God is gracious, He did not give me an answer like "Cincinnati, Ohio."
No, because that would have been very convenient. Thats what I was looking for.

Quit your job, leave your church, and go an a grand theological adventure involving Chacos and Cincinatti, Ohio.

No such luck.

Instead he took me on a journey with MANY bumps and curves to discover that the praying in and of itself was the purpose. Rather, getting to know the Lord and learning to communicate and articulate was the point.
And if praying is the journey, mine is a beat-up 1956 Cadillac. It seems that most people arrive in sleek limo. Not me.

Anyways, back to the point. Some of the questions I have been asking and facing are:

What REALLY matters?

What is my purpose?

What IS the desire of my heart?

And these questions evolved over the year. So next time (which might be tomorrow) I'm going to share with you how I reached a bunch of dead ends, and got caught up in some seemingly pointless cul-de-sacs. And I still haven't heard about which "city" I'm supposed to go to, and I would LOVE to stop at the nearest gas station and buy some Twizzlers Pull-and-Peels, but the journey is endless.

Until next time.....

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Friday, March 19, 2010

Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary

Feliz Cumpleanos a ti!
An ode to my Compaq Presario F700

Two very long years ago I purchased you at the Fredericksburg, Texas Wal-mart Superstore. I had thought about you. I had budgeted, and there you were in your $500 glory.

You were not a mac.

You actually weren't all that special.

But you were cheap, and you did email.

You have served me well these past two years. You still email, you still even get on the internet.

You no longer burn cds, but I forgive you.

So cheers to you!! And here is to at least 6 more months of surfing and writing :)

Secondly, and really more importantly its my anniversary!!

March somethingth 2006 I accepted Jesus as my Savior, was baptized, and could not wait another minute to join the church.

Ephesians 5:22-32 says:Wives and Husbands
22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

If Christ has done what the Bible says he did, and he has taken our punishment on our behalf, and has cleansed us OUT OF his great love for us, than I cannot think of a more appropriate response than to make a commitment to what Jesus says he died for: a local body of believers.

4 years ago it was the greatest JOY and desire of my heart to get to know, participate in, learn from, and grow with Living Hope Baptist Church.
I have since moved with our expansion Living Hope Bryan... but the purpose is the same.

So Happy Anniversary to me. This is truly a great reminder!

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Friday, January 29, 2010


I'm not sure what you guys think of me, or of what I write. But I'm very convicted.

About my life.

About what I get excited about.

About how I spend my time.

About my goals.

I have been redeemed (purchased by blood from eternal death and shame) by the Most High God, and yet I often live for myself and my desires.

While my heart is not to censor the displeasing things in my life, I also do not want to promote and exalt things that have no explanation behind them.

Thus, I erased the post about Josh and I spending New Years at Barney and Jos. Butch said it was super shady that we went there at night. I had no idea. That NEVER occurred to me. But, in case you didn't know, we look exactly like the world when we have the appearance of sin, even if our motives and our hearts are good. So for that, I'm sorry.

True treasure is not found here. Its found above.


The sweet peace of knowing you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be.

The freedom of knowing you have NOTHING left to lose. Free from entanglements.

The sweetness of opening your hands and truly being ok with whatever happens.

Loving people.

Loving sick people.

Loving people who can't love you back.

Being loved.

These are treasures that cannot be purchased at ANY Target.

So, today I'm excited about the FREE piano the Lord provided (dropped in my room) so that I can do what he called me to do: play keyboard for the worship team.

Today I'm excited that one of my students AND his mom, AND his brother are coming to church this Saturday.

And finally, today I"m excited because two of my students have been reading their bibles.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Bread Pudding Project take 1

I have a dream...

a very sweet dream...

of creating and perfecting a dessert that is delicately rich, moist, and savory.

For my palate, only bread pudding will do.

This is my attempt to recreate and invent bread pudding recipes.

Join me as I buy, botch, and bake a very temperamental desert.

Quick side note: 2nd Annual Hall-o-ween Birthday Fiesta was Fabulous!! I will post pictures as soon as I can!

From the kitchen of Cindy Wadsworth (Anna Wadsworth's mom):

Bread Pudding

6 eggs 1 1/2 c. stale bread crumbs
2 c. sugar 1/2 cup seedless raisins
2 tsp salt 1 T. all purpose flour
1 qt. milk 1/2 t. ground nutmeg
1 tsp. vanilla extract 2 T. butter

My changes:

I halved it. I used a mixture of brown and white sugar. Half of the milk was half &half. I added immitation rum extract. No raisins, instead I added frozen peaches. I layered French Bread, then peaches, then more french bread.

Results: Much too moist. Immitation rum + nutmeg= fake eggnog flavor (GROSS!). If you add fruit, add it at room temperature. Looked perfect out of the oven. The layering turned out nicely.

High Quality ingredients (upgrades):
Eggs- Miller's free-range organic eggs
Sugar- Central Market Light Brown Sugar
Butter- CM European Style, unsalted
Flour- CM Baker's Flour

What I will do next time: Use real rum, or a different flavor. I will again use the French Bread, it was perfect. Also, I will add less milk, and probably more cream. I might chop up the fruit and put a thinner layer within the bread.

Flavor Goals: Bananas Foster, Chocolate, Blackberry, Apple Cinammon, Peaches

Please let me know if you have any great recipes, tips or ideas to share! I want to haer them!!

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Sunday, September 13, 2009


Sickness brought to you by Bekah's immune system.

Poem brought to you by Shel Silverstein.

And images brought to you by George Lucas and Walt Disney.

I'm sitting in bed sneezing my brains out and watching movies. Yesterday I went to Aerofit on Villa Maria to swim. It was the first time for me to go there instead of the Bryan Aquatic Center because it was raining, I had to find an indoor swimming pool. And when I arrived I felt like I was in an Thriller/Alias sort of movie... where I was the spy and I got to go to all the coolest country clubs, underground hotspots, you know what I"m talking about. Walk down the steps and you arrive at the pool that is surrounded by glass windows. And I was the only person besides this really old man doing laps. I had a key for my locker and I was thinking that if the pool were super busy, I could sneak something into my locker like the plans for the Death Star.
Something good and secret you know.

And then when I was swimming laps I could hide the key in my hand and "accidentally" drop it in the lane beside me while I was swimming. And then the person in the lane next to me could pick up the key in the water, get out and go get the secret plans.
And no one would ever know!
And then we would foil the evil Emperor Palpatine!

Instead I just swam laps.
And it was the best swim ever.
I had so much endurance.
I"m learning how to keep a steady pace, breathe evenly and pace myself. And so I don't max out and run out of energy quickly.
I glide.
And I'm gradually getting faster.
Its incredibly peaceful.
Of course I'm imagining what I would do if I worked for the CIA, but in spite of that I still glide through the water. And somehow I did 16 laps at 50 yards? each. And then time caught up. I had promised Kelly I would watch a movie with her at 2pm. Alas, it was time to go. But I could have swam 10 more laps easily.

So I left the eerie square complex of glass and headed home. Kelly, Cassie-the-Payne, and I watched the old Parent Trap.
Don't pay me any mind. I just keep my nose out of it. I don't say a word, not a single word.

As we sat on the couch my body started yelling at me. At first it was soft and then it became much louder to where I couldn't ignore it. And it was not yelling at me because of swimming.
But I marched on, in hopes to get ready and dressed for church at 6 and prayer at 5.
My body screamed in protest.
It was very adamant.
All of it.
Finally, I succumbed to its cries and admitted defeat.
I was sick.
I NEVER get "sick".
I'm always the last surviving partier who spectates while everyone suffers in the trenches of this season's illness.

Not this time. This year I'm a trend-starter. I'm the winner of the F.L.U gameshow.
And yes, my body hates me with a flaming passion, and my temperature reflects that every 3 hours. But for being so useless, and missing so many anticipated events, I have a strange peace.
There is peace in knowing I have no control.
I will have to miss work tomorrow and I HATE that. But there is NOTHING I can do.
I do not have the power to will my body to speed up its germ killing process.
And so I have the freedom to sit and wait.
And I'm loving that!
Its my job to sit here and watch movies and nap.
Sure this isn't my first choice of a Sunday afternoon.
I would rather hang out and laugh and be with people, and get chores done.
But that would be in vain.
I might get even more sick and do everyone even less of favors.

So to satiate your need for a drama... I give you a poem by Shel Silverstein...

"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

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